Watermelon Tootsie Pop

Watermelon Tootsie Pop. A sign of loneliness? yeah. definitely. I'm sitting in my apartment, my work done for the day, watching House M.D., 30 Rock and SNL and blogging. One of my roommates is in West Side Story rehearsing, the other at a women's retreat with her church, and the other two at a Murder Mystery themed Poker Game. I have been in this apartment this entire weekend by myself, doing work, practicing and feeding the fish, who, by the way tried to kill themselves multiple times. We suspect that dauntless jumped out of its fishbowl knocking over the fish food and then jumped back in. I know there are only two weeks left, which I suppose is making me feel desperate. But I know that once a roommate shows up, I'm going to be left with an even more sour mood. There are no prospects for any relationship between this guy and me. It's been knocked down by the parents and he really hasn't said even implied, at least I don't think, anything. Always the friend, never the girlfriend.

I guess I can be totally honest in this blog since I don't have anyone that reads it, let alone follows it. Not that I wouldn't be honest if someone read it, just that I wouldn't be sappy in my posts. But whatever, in three years, I'll hopefully be moving to New York, for more school and a chance at life. A chance to be whoever I want to be, a chance to be what I've always wanted to be. Is it weird that I hear my upstairs neighbor's phone vibrate? and they suck at being quiet. I'm surprised the ceiling hasn't collapsed with whatever goes on there. Anyways, its 10:10 pm and I'm seriously thinking of going to bed. I feel old and as Elizabeth said, "I am not one and twenty." so, they're you go.

I'm hoping this summer that I will drive to Santa Barbara more often, maybe Pismo Beach even. The clam chowder bread bowl was amazing and well worth the trip. I'll definitely go to Malibu for the Getty Villa and see as many art shows and exhibits as I can. I'll read more. Tolkein and C.S. Lewis, maybe some Kirkegaard and Nietzche. I'll learn German and Italian. I'll learn to escape reality and make blissful dreams. Maybe I'll fall in love rather than learn how to act it on stage or continuously read it or see it in movies. I'll recreate a better me, a more confident, efficient, beautiful, intelligent, driven, me.

All this from a tootsie pop. All this from an empty apartment.