This week has been hell week. trying to get everything together and practicing to the last minute not only for myself but for other people's juries. Instrumental Juries and Vocal Juries all on the same day. same time period. Are you kidding? Not only do I have my sophomore platform for voice, I'm accompanying three other people who still don't have time slots for their juries. Plus, i don't know what time my jury will be because I don't get to sign up for it. I cancelled pretty much everything today because not only am I exhausted physically but I'm starting to feel these side effects from taking Nyquil. Blurred vision, headaches I don't know what. But it does help me sleep at night, or else I would never get to the REM cycle and have lost all functioning ability. I'm so beyond tired, I feel like lead weight. I can't wait until this semesters is over. Many things have gone wrong, many people are frayed, and I just can't do this again.

But I know myself. Laziness is not an option for me. I literally cannot do it because I have so many commitments to everyone else that commitments for myself never seem to make it on the priority list. I have dealt with so many people, so many situations, and yet nothing seems solved and it drains every last bit of energy and life from me. Summer will bring hopes of better things and time for myself, to work. arghhh! just work. keep practicing. keep pushing. I know that if I keep moving at this pace I will push myself over the edge and I know that i won't be able to stop myself.

I hate the clock. It's just a reminder of what is yet to come, how I only have 40min. until I have to do something for a friend. My inability to stop and say no is nonexistent. I can't really confide this to anyone I live with or my parents. I'll just keep waking up doing what I need to do and a whole lot of extra shit for everyone else until May 10th. The projected date of rest. Maybe.