Eternity

It is a difficult concept to fathom, especially human beings who have a limited and short-sighted capacity on everything. Thinking about how long eternity is makes my head spin. I'm a visual learner and I see eternity like a time band stretching horizontally forever; there aren't any markers that give measurements, just markers that exist. In any case this chapter is titled "Made to Last Forever." It is nice when you think about it. I like what Warren says in his second sentence, "Life on earth is just the dress rehearsal before the real production." (Warren, 36) I can totally relate to that. If we believe there is an eternity, then we must make sure that we can get as much as we can right, on earth, during our dress rehearsal, so we don't screw it up for the real production. There is a lot of hope in believing that eternity exists. But to me, there is also a lot of pain.

Here's what I mean: Growing up in America has its many many perks, great opportunities and I feel blessed to have been born and raised here. However, our culture doesn't revolve around but speeds through everything. Life is a rat race. It's a race not to a finish line, no. It's a race to who can be the most successful, the richest, the most beautiful, the superlative. Don't take this as a condemnation of materialism but rather that everything we do is always about tomorrow. it's always about preparing for the next day. I've always felt that this is my life, ever since middle school it's been about college. And now it is about New York, moving out of LA and going to NY to make all my dreams come true.

It's never been about today. And I feel that there is an eternity, which can only mean that everything we do today will affect tomorrow and at some point, that tomorrow is going to be eternity. It seems pain-filled; it seems unsatisfactory; it seems like being stretched to a point of being see-through; sort of like what the ring does to Bilbo. That this life is only a preparation for the next. I have NEVER wanted to live forever; immortality isn't appealing and maybe because I am only thinking of it in human/earthly terms. I mean who would want to live forever on this earth?! But God has wired to desire to be immortal because He has created us in His image. He is immortal. But, if we believe all of this, then our lives on earth are short because we have a lot to do. Warren says that when we live with this knowledge, we being to live "in light of eternity." And when we live in light of eternity, our values change, our priorities are reordered, our relationships are held more dear, our life becomes precious and so does our soul and spirit.

Enlightening analogy:

"Just as the nine months you spent in your mother's womb were not an end in themselves but preparation for life, so this life is preparation for the next." (40)

Question to Consider:

Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?

My answer:

Thing to stop: procrastination for all things, even becoming a Christian,

Thing to start doing: slowly proclaiming the Word through my actions, my words and how I portray myself to other.

What are your thoughts?

Day 2: Accidents happen; or do they?

You are not an accident.

Today is the second day of my (our) spiritual journey and we are covering the concept of accident vs. purpose. To summarize, Warren lists the many reasons why and how the individual, any individual is not an accident; that from the beginning, before conception, before our parents ever thought of anything, that we were in His mind and that He wanted to create us to express His love. He (Warren) goes on to say that He thought of the us, human race before He thought of creating earth, the solar system etc. which to me makes more sense. You have something, say a bunch of books, therefore you would need something to house them in, hence the bookcase. In any case, as stupid as that analogy was, Warren continues with sappy statements like "You are alive because God wanted to create you," (Warren, 22) or "God made you so that he could love you," (Warren, 24). But even with these somewhat pathetic (although I know I am being harsh) statements, I found comfort in them. Warren states that He knows when you were to be born and when you are to die; He knows who your parents are to be and why they were the perfect two people to make you, the perfect you that He wanted; He sculpted you, your race, nationality, gender, hair color, eye color facial features, body type, all were created for a purpose, for God's ultimate purpose for you. I, somehow find comfort in that; that He knows everything, that He took care of everything, that He realizes every detail is important and doesn't let anything slip Him by. It is really remarkable if one tries to fathom the amount of work and brain power it would take to take care of EVERY living creature on earth. And we even haven't gotten to prayers, problems, life yet.

But what I think was the heart of this chapter as pertaining to my spiritual journey to finding purpose in my life is this: "We discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives." (Warren, 25) It means, that God's purpose for each of us is different, individual and only can be found or figured out by ourselves through God, through our walk, our relationship with him.

"Love is the essence of God's character." (Warren, 24)
The Bible says that "God is love", not God has love or that God finds love etc, etc, etc. He is love. I guess that's why many people claim that Christianity isn't a religion, that it is more a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Warren's main purpose is to prove to his reader(s), through the Bible, that God values us, that He loves us and therefore has a purpose in our lives. Because He created us, he loves us and therefore has a purpose for us. This isn't like a parent helping their child find what they're good at or a major that can make them successful financially, maybe even emotionally. This is your purpose. It has nothing to do with your career, your family, your friends, your hobbies and activities. It has nothing to do with work environments, money or breaking that glass barrier. It has EVERYTHING to do with why we are here. and that translates differently for everyone. All the things that I listed are tools that God may choose to use for His purpose in you life. I guess ';m getting a little confused so one question:

Is it my purpose in life or His purpose through my life?

Anyways, despite the tangent, I think I'm lightly tapping on the iceberg that this issue is. So the question to consider today is the areas of my personality, background and physical appearance that I am struggling to accept.

Here's what I wrote in my little journal:
I never really believed that every thing on earth was a result of astronomical chance. the chances are WAY too slim, to the point of being nonexistent. I've also thought that I do have a purpose, a big one at that too. I've always thought that I am to change the way people think about music and about Armenian. (ever since I was little, mind you) So, for the question: I feel like I have a great personality but that I could never fit in to the social structures, the mindset that everybody else seemed to be link into. My background, well being Armenian has been troublesome and I know that it will only continue as I face bigger challenges in my life. My appearance, well, I'm a girl, so that means I will nitpick to no end about that. There are many things that I'm not happy about and that I have struggled with since I was 10. It has been an uphill battle with no summit. That's a self-realization I've never had before: It's an uphill battle with no summit. That is exactly what its been. Everyday it bothers me. Everyday I feel like I could have done better, that I've been lazy and guilt, embarrassment and constant brain power focused on such negativity has blocked my way of ever finding a way out. I know this to be true but I also know that even with an optimistic view I will nitpick silently and numb myself into thinking that I'm being positive.

So. We have established that we are not accidents. We have established that this journey and the rest of our lives must start with God, and not ourselves. Day 2 complete. All though I truly dislike "looking into myself", "tyring to love myself" crap, I like the twist and ultimate truth that Warren is framing with. Start with God. In fact, it's a much easier place to start off with.

"God doesn't play dice." - Albert Einstein

40 Days

"In my twenty-seventh year, while riding the metro in Leningrad, I was overcome with a despair so great that life seemed to stop at once, preemting the future entirely, let alone any meaning. Suddenly. all by itself, a phrase appeared: Without God life makes no sense. Repeating it in astonishment, I rode the phrase up like a moving staircase, got out of the metro and walked into God's light." That was a quote from Andrei Bitov, a Russian novelist living in the time of the Soviet Communist regime. It comes from David Friend's The Meaning of Life and is also used in Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.

The first thing that passed through my mind when I read this quote was, "Yes, I know that feeling; I've felt it at least three times and in between those collapses I've felt see-through." The second thing that passed through my mind was "He [Warren] found one atheist, a Russian at that, to prove to me that his book means something. Lame." The third thing is that Warren assumes that God actually exists.

The reason for this post is because of the preceding paragraph. It's because I've felt life hitting me in the face and stopping both world and time and for a few moments feeling like gravity doesn't exist but knowing I've hit rock bottom. Only problem is, I've hit rock bottom several times, but this summer was a new and devastating low. I read many articles on self-help books, e-articles, synopses, listened to a few speakers and tried to find a way out. I only ended up successfully shoving it out of my consciousness, with the help of friends, concerts, coffee, washing dishes and my greatest partner in crime, t.v. But it invades my thought when my guard is down; it invades my sleep, it invades my reading as I ponder the characters through my twisted and broken frame of life reference, it takes over any solitude that I find and it consumes me. I haven't had piece of mind for a little over a month now. But May was nice; yeah, May was nice.

In any case, like an Angelino, a spiritual journey sounded celebrity, it sounded hip as I read that Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life was a book designed as a 40 day spiritual journey; 40 days being very significant in the Bible as an adequate and preparatory time for focus, self-realization and self-actualization. All these words appeal to me; I'm not going to lose anything in trying.

In the book, Warren outlines five purposes that God has for the individual, sort of like five parts, each part containing seven chapters. It's designed to be integrated into your daily routine by reading one chapter a day and pondering its meaning for your life and your spiritual walk with Christ. For those you are not in a relationship with Christ (like me) Warren will outline how to begin one as for his book and outlook on life, it is the core.

We begin with Part 1: What on Earth am I here for?

A very appealing question for MANY people.

Chapter 1: It all starts with God
Warren argues that self-hep books, self realization techniques the whole thing starts off on the wrong foot by starting with the "me". By starting with the self, we are often left disappointed and lost as to realize anything in our lives. He says that I should do the reverse, by starting with the being that created me; that we are to live for God because we are by God. Here are a few questions:

1. What does it mean to live for God?
2. How do I live for God?
3. What should I do to know that I am living for God?
4. Are success/fame/dreams/ambitions UN-Christian?
5. Is it selfish and self-serving to pursue my dreams and my hopes?
6. Can I serve God and still find what I want in life?
7. How can I not be selfish about my life?

I guess I'm coming from the idea that my career is my purpose in life. Like a teacher's purpose is to educate, or a medical professional, say a doctor, is to heal, to save lives. Often, especially at APU, I have come across other students who serve the community in tangible ways through sports for at-risk kids, through the nursing program, through homework help, through social awareness of hot button issues like poverty, racial tensions and immigration. And I feel like music is a selfish pursuit, that singing opera and playing the piano is only about me and my desires and wants. How can I serve or even start to live for God when I feel like my passion is so self-centered?

I'm hoping someone is reading this and wants to take this 40 day spiritual journey with me. Please feel free to leave comments, your opinions, maybe even links. whatever! I just would like someone to walk with.

Unless you assume a God, the question of life's purpose is meaningless. - Bertrand Russell, atheist