I lose myself when I think of you and you're not even real. There are moments in my imagination, where you come alive and as I breathe consciousness again, you're gone. It scares me to think that a person, I made up in my head makes me feel so powerfully. I wish you were true, that you existed and that you loved me as I love you.

The Lady Beetle

I postulate that tonight, while my mind has taken flight, I may be of assistance in a place not far but away from here. It, what ever it may be is diagnosed by heart's desire's which floods neurotic endorphins in mindless states of matter. Let it. It shall. My continuous stream of thought maybe interrupted by other things But hardly can I say that I rough it up without my heart in my head. Later tonight, as dusk is the darkest of all hours before the dawn. the dawn itself may cease to exist for many a people but a child's laugh may bring back happiness unforeseen and perhaps lead or rather pave a road. It is all too common that tradition may stack up nicely for everyone else My rebellious state is hardly an outcry against the institution but the idea of it is unappealing as it, too has become cliche like the word. Old, used, haggard, pitiful and somewhat pathetic I regard life as a unit, a measurement of which time, which itself is undeserving of its name, cannot find me within it although my existence may never touch upon it. It seems that whether in darkness or light, these words represent the absence of thing or another as all words function. The lady beetle may have flown from the nearest bushel of raspberries but upon flying near your freckled nosed, it chose a proper destination upon which nature has chosen to grace herself a little present for creatures with peculiar circumstances.

haven't been on in a long time. and I realized that I've had a blog since 2009!! to me, that's impressive.

Thanks for letting me share anything, and everything that is on my mind.

most recently,

I miss my cigs.
people still piss me off.
I'm trying not to qualify anything I say. No excuses.

here is the thing:

never question my commitment to something. When I give my word, my promise, I give my all, every bit of me. Don't come up to me and tell me that I'm not paying attention. And to those who around me who don't give anything close to half that I do, or respond, or care you will get what you deserve in life. Disrespectful, ungrateful, ignorant pricks.

Hey God? It's me, Natalie. I hope you can see what's doing on here, and maybe you can speak up about it. thanks.

optimize

Happy New Year!

May it be a ear filled with Happiness, Love, Success, Peace and Hope!

As with everyone, I have a long list of resolutions for the new year most of which I am keeping diligently but some which have faltered a bit. One of them is exercising. So I have decided to go on a 1 week fast while trying to do yoga at least 3 times this week early in the morning. I have decided to keep a journal of the experience. I feel like I should want this to also be a spiritual thing but I don't want to know how and i don't think I would be honestly genuine. In any case, starting tomorrow January 17, 2011 I will fast for a week. It will be difficult because we are celebrating a friends birthday with some wonderful Chinese dim sum and I don't know how I'm going to get past my friends with them suspecting something. In any case, I am excited because I am taking control and becoming the person I want to be. I hope that I can be accountable to this blog!

I wish you all the best for this new year and determination for your resolutions as well!

lots of love!

Current Muses

Coco Chanel
Lady Gaga
Erik Satie
cigarettes
the mediterranean
wine