Friday Nights

College. I believed that it would be the best four years of my life. Best. Four. Years. I thought I would experience things, things that I would reminisce about when I was old and gray or got to a million concerts, meet tons of people have the best times. My expectations are always high, in everything, and therefore I'm familiar with disappointment but why lower my standards when things that I want exist. Do I feel that I deserve them; yeah, I think I do. But that being said I feel like a despot, believing that entitlement is inherent and therefore mine. Circular reasoning. In any case, friday nights, ironically makes me feel like I'm old; no clubs, no parties, no dancing, no fun. really, just hand me some fig newtons and an 8:00 pm curfew. Maybe it's me, maybe it's how I handle situations, or people, or whatever.

Living on my own has been great. I've met wonderful people, made good friends and learned a lot. It's only the second year but life still seems to be sewing and and I'm the needle constantly moving, constantly challenging the fabric of life and and sewing multiple pieces together that sometimes fit and most of the time cause problems. I just hoping that eventually I'll be able to party like a college student, find inspiration on a hike, drive all over town blasting music and laughing, maybe even be in love. finding myself on friday nights like this is disappointing but patience is a virtue and it takes forever.