Ella Enchanted Syndrome

Yesterday, I was flipping through some channels and came upon the beginning of Ella Enchanted. I was obviously excited because I had never seen the beginning or most of the movie before. It's a modern/medieval twist on the Disney classic Cinderella, by Disney. She gets stuck with an evil step-mom and two shallow/base step-sisters who soon realize that she follows everything they demand. And we all know that in the end Ella falls in love with the prince, is vindicated against her step-family and lives happily ever after.

Fondue Cheesy.

What struck me though, before my brother turned to watch the soccer game, is how her curse mirrors my conscious. For example, I related that curse to my driving experience; if I'm driving with my family, mother tells me to change to the right lane, dad yells from the back to stick to the lane and my brother explains loudly why he should have driven. Meanwhile, my heart is racing and I'm driving 65 mph down the freeway in the middle of two lanes ready to burst into tears.

Next example: I'm going out with friends and I decide to wear something I like, I'm practically out the door and again my brother comments on my arm fat, my mother gives me a disdainful look and dad refuses to acknowledge my presence. Then, each of them gives their criticism and I go to my room to follow their instructions. If I had left the house without listening to them, I would never been able to find any amusement but rather self-degradation and a sense of a disobedient ungrateful daughter.

Now this isn't teenage angst or a cry for rebellion, rather a chance for reform. One of my majors is hanging in the balance this year as I'm about to deal with roaring rage and no support, not only from the mr. and mrs. but from my professor(s). I realize that this tendency I have to follow everything everyone asks of me, to sell my soul to things I'm not into just to please or to appease, to lie to myself, to keep going just in case I might need that degree in the future. Fuck! I know my abilities. I don't need anyone to tell me what I can and can't do, who I am and what I'm capable of. I guess I just don't know limits of what I can do or if I should do it. I don't know my limits of investing emotionally into something.

In any case, I have named the problem,

Ella Enchanted Syndrome: (n.) an irrational propensity to follow every order or demand, in order to have a comfortable conscious; emotionally destructive and mentally abusive, ending in a complete withdrawal and wretched state.

ugh.