40 Days

"In my twenty-seventh year, while riding the metro in Leningrad, I was overcome with a despair so great that life seemed to stop at once, preemting the future entirely, let alone any meaning. Suddenly. all by itself, a phrase appeared: Without God life makes no sense. Repeating it in astonishment, I rode the phrase up like a moving staircase, got out of the metro and walked into God's light." That was a quote from Andrei Bitov, a Russian novelist living in the time of the Soviet Communist regime. It comes from David Friend's The Meaning of Life and is also used in Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.

The first thing that passed through my mind when I read this quote was, "Yes, I know that feeling; I've felt it at least three times and in between those collapses I've felt see-through." The second thing that passed through my mind was "He [Warren] found one atheist, a Russian at that, to prove to me that his book means something. Lame." The third thing is that Warren assumes that God actually exists.

The reason for this post is because of the preceding paragraph. It's because I've felt life hitting me in the face and stopping both world and time and for a few moments feeling like gravity doesn't exist but knowing I've hit rock bottom. Only problem is, I've hit rock bottom several times, but this summer was a new and devastating low. I read many articles on self-help books, e-articles, synopses, listened to a few speakers and tried to find a way out. I only ended up successfully shoving it out of my consciousness, with the help of friends, concerts, coffee, washing dishes and my greatest partner in crime, t.v. But it invades my thought when my guard is down; it invades my sleep, it invades my reading as I ponder the characters through my twisted and broken frame of life reference, it takes over any solitude that I find and it consumes me. I haven't had piece of mind for a little over a month now. But May was nice; yeah, May was nice.

In any case, like an Angelino, a spiritual journey sounded celebrity, it sounded hip as I read that Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life was a book designed as a 40 day spiritual journey; 40 days being very significant in the Bible as an adequate and preparatory time for focus, self-realization and self-actualization. All these words appeal to me; I'm not going to lose anything in trying.

In the book, Warren outlines five purposes that God has for the individual, sort of like five parts, each part containing seven chapters. It's designed to be integrated into your daily routine by reading one chapter a day and pondering its meaning for your life and your spiritual walk with Christ. For those you are not in a relationship with Christ (like me) Warren will outline how to begin one as for his book and outlook on life, it is the core.

We begin with Part 1: What on Earth am I here for?

A very appealing question for MANY people.

Chapter 1: It all starts with God
Warren argues that self-hep books, self realization techniques the whole thing starts off on the wrong foot by starting with the "me". By starting with the self, we are often left disappointed and lost as to realize anything in our lives. He says that I should do the reverse, by starting with the being that created me; that we are to live for God because we are by God. Here are a few questions:

1. What does it mean to live for God?
2. How do I live for God?
3. What should I do to know that I am living for God?
4. Are success/fame/dreams/ambitions UN-Christian?
5. Is it selfish and self-serving to pursue my dreams and my hopes?
6. Can I serve God and still find what I want in life?
7. How can I not be selfish about my life?

I guess I'm coming from the idea that my career is my purpose in life. Like a teacher's purpose is to educate, or a medical professional, say a doctor, is to heal, to save lives. Often, especially at APU, I have come across other students who serve the community in tangible ways through sports for at-risk kids, through the nursing program, through homework help, through social awareness of hot button issues like poverty, racial tensions and immigration. And I feel like music is a selfish pursuit, that singing opera and playing the piano is only about me and my desires and wants. How can I serve or even start to live for God when I feel like my passion is so self-centered?

I'm hoping someone is reading this and wants to take this 40 day spiritual journey with me. Please feel free to leave comments, your opinions, maybe even links. whatever! I just would like someone to walk with.

Unless you assume a God, the question of life's purpose is meaningless. - Bertrand Russell, atheist